Truth and Reality
by Frog-kun
Summary: AU oneshot. Truth and reality - do the two truly exist? Shinji struggles to find the truth about Eva, the Angels and his role as the hero of this world, and in doing so changes reality to suit his perception.


**Author's note: **I originally wrote this piece for my English class. It's more or less the same from what I wrote, and as you can see, the references to Evangelion are much vaguer than a fanfic would normally allow. In fact, some important details of Eva's canon have been rewritten for the sake of the story. I advise you to take these liberations into stride. This piece is written to ponder the question if what people perceive is indeed reality, in agreement with the prompt as shown below, which concerns objective and subjective reality. I wrote this warning for my teacher as well: it may takes some reading and rereading to "get" it.

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Prompt: "There is an objective reality out there, but we view it through the spectacles of our beliefs, attitudes, and values." ~ David G. Myers

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**Truth and Reality**

Have you ever heard of the hedgehog's dilemma? It's simple, really. A hedgehog has spikes – and if it makes friends with another hedgehog, that hedgehog gets hurt. People are the same.

That's why it's better to live like this – detached, you could say, from reality. The noises of this world reach my ears, but it's like the buzzing of a radio set turned down. I can hear it, but that's not me on the radio. I have nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

I wish it were the case, that I could close my eyes and everything would turn off. But there are people talking to me, pinching me, whispering in my ear. They want me to save the world.

And so each time the Angels come, I get up and I enter that _thing_. Tall as a skyscraper, a human-shaped robot standing upon two legs. It was a robot – _they _told me that. And yet... and yet...

I am frightened of it. It frightens me more than the Angels do. They fly from outer space, hideous things with no face, no flesh, yet all limbs and expression. They are monsters. But _it_, that thing I must ride, scares me because I am riding inside a lie. Everything that I am and must be fades away and is replaced by something different. Something grotesque, alien, brutal and – and-

_human._

It's why I want to stay away: prop up an A.T. Field and guard myself from _everything_. But the Eva breaks through my A.T. Field like it breaks the Angel's A.T. Field. The battles never end because the Eva – this mechanised human-shaped _thing _with steely unseeing eyes – continues to exist.

And again, I become a hero, as I feel the Angel's blood running over the Eva's hands. I feel the same sensations as Eva does. With my own hands, then, I killed an Angel. Saved the world.

The people around me congratulate me, as if without me, what they see will no longer be there. But it's not true. They have so much money. They could survive without me.

When an Angel touches the Spear of Longinus hidden beneath the city, reality itself will change. That's what I've been told. Because the Eva is the only thing that can fend off the Angels and I am the only one who can control Eva, I am needed.

They're lying to me. They're reaching out to me, and they're hurting me. I'm hurting them.

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_And the young boy fell into a violent rampage. His footsteps destroyed the city in his wake, leaving nothing but wreckage and carnage down below._

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I must not run away, I think to myself. I must not run away.

I must not run away. I must not run away, I MUST NOT RUN AWAY, IMUSTNOTRUNAWAYIMUSTNOTRUNAW-

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_But the sacrifice was justifiable. The final battle came and the young boy became a legend._

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I never wanted to be part of this reality. It's painful. I don't want to see or hear or feel anything. I never wanted to leave any imprint upon this world, just like a bystander affected by nothing.

A hedgehog, staying away from other hedgehogs.

With my hands – Eva's hands – I touch the Spear of Longinus. I am an Angel. Eva fights other Angels because it is an Angel. Humans fight other humans because they are human.

As I touch the Spear of Longinus, the world becomes different. I change what is reality to what I see and feel.

The world changes accordingly, and everything stays the same.


End file.
